I loved this scene from Girls, a fight about cutoff between Jessa and Hannah. The dialog resonated with me a lot about the experience I wrote about in “my dating cutoff ” essay. Ultimately, the most devastating part of that breakup experience was losing the friendship and having my complete trust broken apart cutoff and silence.
“Regardless of everything that happened, you are still my dear friend. I can try and forget about you, it just doesn’t work,” says Jessa. “You can’t just detach yourself from a relationship unless your some kind of… psychopath.”
She continues, “Everything that we did together… happened… whether you want to believe it or not … whether you want to remember it or not. And I am here and I know you. You cant just erase people. You can’t just erase me. It’s not how it works.”
I hope the people who’ve felt supported by my essay will find something healing for them in this dialog. Similarly, I hope the practitioners (and advocates) of unexplained unconditional cutoff will learn something about their motivations and its impact on the their former friends and partners.